My muse is a bitch.

I know what you’re thinking. This is not a case of extreme scapegoating. I still write at least a page a day and have so far managed to meet my writing goals. This isn’t about finding an excuse for my own failings.

This is about why writing is so HARD.

My muse, I call her Minerva, is a lazy, cantankerous bitch. She wakes me up in the middle of the night with ideas and then goes back to sleep before I can find paper to write them down. She daydreams in the middle of the only dedicated writing time I have. And worst of all, she goes on vacation whenever I have any sort of deadline.

So what’s a writer to do?


For any writers out there who have a Minerva of their own, please find below the time-tested, Minx Malone approved guide to kicking your muses’ ass!

(1) Wear a rubber band around your wrist while writing. When you catch her daydreaming, pop the rubber band. Make sure it hurts. I’m kidding…sort of.

(2) Do a Story board. There’s nothing quite like cutting pictures out of magazines and gluing them on poster board to get the creative juices flowing. Sure it’s not technically writing, but perhaps your muse is a visual learner. ( I loved cutting out pictures for the hero in Hellbaby. I kept imagining Vin Diesel!)

(3) Get physical. This sounds a little strange but reading one of your scenes aloud and acting it out can help you work through tough spots and kick up your dialogue. My muse is a drama queen anyway so this gives her a chance to show off.

(4) Write a story about her! Nothing pisses my muse off more than finding herself as the villain in the story. Generally she’ll cooperate with me for no other reason than to make sure she’s portrayed well.

These methods of motivations work well in other cases too. You know, for people who just procrastinate a lot. *ahem*

How do you motivate yourself out of a slump?